The Reason Read online

  “We had quite a few, and he was,” Jim said. “Did you talk to him today?”

  “Sort of,” Zach said dismissively. He tapped Charlie on the leg. “You ready for some turkey, big man? It smells like it’s getting closer.” He rubbed his hands together in anticipation and smiled at the rest of them. “I’ve had way too many Thanksgiving dinners in the hospital cafeteria. This will be a serious treat.”

  Charlie took the headphones off, nodded like he understood, and put the headphones back on.

  “I’m thinking the big guy would pass on his turkey to have his little buddy back home,” Kaitlyn said.

  “Undoubtedly,” Jim said.

  “Dr. Norman?” Carla said. “When would you expect Alex to be out of the hospital?”

  “It depends,” he answered. “Each patient is different. And when are you going to start calling me Zach?”

  Carla grinned and grabbed some more chips. “So they are doing some more tests on Ian today?”

  “On Alex too,” he answered. “Dr. Lewis wants to make absolutely sure they are both ready for the transplant.”

  “They’re both in the best possible hands they could be in,” Kaitlyn said.

  “I know,” Carla said. “But when do you think they will do the bone marrow transplant? In a couple of days?”

  “Oh no,” Kaitlyn said. “It will be longer than that.”

  “And Alex will be in the hospital for quite a while,” Zach said. “The bone marrow transplant will allow Macey to get more aggressive with the cancer through chemo, radiation, or both. We want to wipe it out and then make a replacement with healthy marrow. Make sense?”

  Jim laced his fingers on top of his lap. “So out with the old and in with the new?”

  Zach leaned forward on the couch. “More like out with the bad and in with the good.”

  “How long do you think it will take?” Carla asked.

  “That’s a good question.” Zach smiled, and the sight of it did Jim good. The man was changed. Even if Jim went blind again before the game, he’d know the change in the man. He thought back to the day he’d met him, when he came to help with the cross, to now. It was like he was a totally different man. He’d been freed.

  Zach stood and walked over to the window. “It takes as long as it takes the team to kill whatever residual cancer cells remain in Alex, while making sure his immune system doesn’t reject the new marrow from Ian.”

  “How dangerous is it?” Jim asked. “Macey told Ian and Brooke that there are risks.”

  “Practically none for Ian.”

  “And for Alex?”

  “Like Kaitlyn said, we have to trust that Alex is in the best of hands.”

  “He is. He’s in God’s hands,” Jim said.

  “He really is in God’s hands,” Zach repeated. Jim was surprised by the way he said it. He actually sounded a little sad.

  Shirley came in from the kitchen. “James Lindy, I’d like to ask you something I haven’t asked you in a long, long time.”

  Jim swiveled around in the La-Z-Boy. “What’s that, hon?”

  Steam from the potatoes was still disappearing from Shirley’s glasses. “Would you like to carve the turkey?”

  “If I can remember how,” he said, smiling and rising to his feet.

  “Charlie,” Shirley said, pulling off his headphones. “Would you come and mash the potatoes for me, please?”

  He nodded.

  “Put me to work too,” Zach said. He gave Kaitlyn a kiss on her cheek and followed Charlie into the kitchen.

  CARLA TOOK ZACH’S PLACE ON THE COUCH. “I HOPE Zach wasn’t mad that I started asking those questions.”

  “Not at all,” Kaitlyn said, sensing that something was weighing on Zach’s mind. She wasn’t sure what it was, but she knew it wasn’t Carla’s questions. “Don’t worry about that, Carla. It’s perfectly normal to ask questions at a time like this.”

  Carla glanced over her shoulder and then whispered to her, “It’s just that Brooke made it sound like the bone marrow transplant was their only option.” She paused. “Is Alex in that bad of shape?”

  “He’s really sick,” Kaitlyn said.

  Carla shook her head. “But Kenneth told Pastor Jim . . .” She caught herself and shook her head. “Never mind. Somehow, I think it will all be okay. It’s just so scary.”

  “Tell me about it,” Kaitlyn said. “It’s my life. But for obvious reasons, little Alex is the patient that holds our hearts.”

  “Come to the table, you two,” Shirley called.

  The two women entered the kitchen, and Kaitlyn found herself stopping before she sat down. She looked around the kitchen, from the table, already loaded with food, to the people, still scattered. Pastor Jim was humming an upbeat tune she couldn’t recognize, working on carving the turkey. Shirley directed Zach to bring the cranberries as she placed a steaming dish of mashed potatoes on the table, and Charlie had the iPod on again. Shirley walked behind him, took the headphones off, and set them aside, squeezing his shoulders. She sat down at one end of the table and smiled at Kaitlyn. “Well, I think it just might be all done. You begin the day wondering . . .”

  “I can imagine,” Kaitlyn said. “Someday I’ll have to try my hand at it.”

  Shirley’s eyes widened. “You’ve never made a Thanksgiving meal?”

  “Not yet,” Kaitlyn said. “Most years I seem to draw the Thanksgiving shift card. By some miracle I didn’t this year.” By some miracle, she repeated silently, wondering who just uttered those words. But oddly they didn’t feel foreign, really. They felt right.

  Kaitlyn sat down next to Zach, and Pastor Jim came to the table with a silver platter stacked with thin slices of turkey. He placed it at the center of the table and then sat down at the opposite end of the table from Shirley. He pointed at the turkey and then lifted his hands. “The Ginsu master has performed his magic. This bird is carved.”

  “You haven’t lost your touch,” Shirley said.

  “Looks perfect,” Carla added.

  Kaitlyn knew that these truly were people of God, continuing to embrace life despite facing adversities. There were plenty of families at the hospital even now, walking the halls, wringing their hands, weeping in fear. But Alex’s people weren’t worrying; it was like they all had a peace about him. Momentary worries for sure, as with Carla, but overall, a peace. It was so remarkably different from anything she’d ever experienced before, she found it kind of stunning.

  Carla looked over at Kaitlyn and smiled as she sat next to Zach. Carla kind of had a glow about her lately. Kaitlyn would have to ask her about it one of these days. What was up, what had changed.

  “Shall we pray?” Pastor Jim asked, still holding his hands up.

  “Let’s do it,” Zach said.

  They all joined hands, and Pastor Jim led them through a prayer. Kaitlyn listened carefully as the minister thanked God for looking over Alex. Then he thanked God for bringing them together and for the food. Next he thanked God for the growth of the church before finally asking God to remember those less fortunate.

  Kaitlyn noticed that there was something peculiar about the tone of Pastor Jim’s voice when he prayed for Alex. He didn’t pray as if God were going to take care of the boy. He prayed as if God had already taken care of him.

  They all said, “Amen,” and Kaitlyn glanced around the table one more time at the faces of these genuinely good people. She was glad they were now part of her life. She looked up at Zach, beside her, and it was then that she knew.

  She nudged him on the side of his leg and whispered in his ear, “I think I’ve fallen in love with you again, Zach Norman.”

  Zach pulled his head back, looking surprised. He smiled, paused, and then leaned over to whisper back, “I don’t think I ever stopped loving you.”

  Kaitlyn poked at Zach’s arm, then nodded for him to look over at Charlie. He already had a mouthful of turkey and was putting three rolls’ worth of butter onto a single roll.

  She bit light
ly on her lip and thought, Don’t you worry, Charlie. We’ll have your friend home in no time. Nothing is going to happen to him. Nothing at all. Because clearly, God has his hand on this house.

  THIRTY-NINE

  Brooke walked quietly into the fellowship hall, hugged Shirley, and then plopped down on the couch without saying a word.

  “Honey, you look so tired,” Shirley said, wearing the motherly face that Brooke had seen quite a bit of lately. And she had to admit, it looked good to her.

  “I am so tired,” Brooke said, her eyes straying past Shirley and back to the doors that separated them from the sanctuary. She raised her hands to rub her eyes. “Today is Saturday, right? How long was I at the hospital?”

  “Yes, today is Saturday,” Shirley answered, unplugging an extension cord from the vacuum and winding it around her arm. “And the answer is four days. You have been at the hospital for four straight days. Remember what Dr. Lewis told you about not neglecting your own health during this?”

  “I know, I know,” Brooke said. “I’m going to head back down to the house and take a shower.”

  “Did you eat while you were up there?”

  “Probably not enough, but I’ll be okay. It’s hard to eat when your stomach is constantly in knots.” Brooke slid up to the front of the cushion and stretched her arms over her head to yawn. “Somebody is in the sanctuary.”

  “It’s probably James,” Shirley said.

  Brooke sighed. “I haven’t talked to Carla today. Have you seen her around?”

  “Unless that was her in the sanctuary, or she’s at Clippers, she’s likely still down at the house,” Shirley said, picking at a snag on the corner of the couch and then sitting down. “She’s been trying to keep Charlie company in Alex’s absence.”

  Brooke smiled. “That’s sweet of her. Is it working?”

  “Not really,” Shirley said. “You know how my son is about yours.”

  “I know.”

  “So you said they put a catheter in Alex?”

  “Yeah,” Brooke answered. She was disappointed in herself for answering so casually. She wondered if she was getting numbed by the ongoing struggle. “Zach did it this morning. It’s something called a Hickman catheter, which is an intravenous line.”

  “What’s it for?”

  “It’s to get Alex ready for the bone marrow transplant. It allows him to get the medicine and blood stuff he needs, and it allows the staff to withdraw a bunch of blood samples from him without having to poke needles in him all the time.”

  “Ian went back to the hospital this morning?” Shirley asked. “For the same thing they did yesterday?”

  “Yeah,” Brooke said. “It’s the stuff that’s supposed to help boost Ian’s marrow stem cells before he makes his donation to Alex.” Brooke yawned again, causing her eyes to water. “They were giving him more of that today when I was leaving the hospital.”

  “When are they actually going to do the marrow transplant?”

  “Pretty soon,” Brooke said. “Kaitlyn said they may go in as early as tomorrow to harvest Ian’s bone marrow. I guess they have to do a few more tests. But like I said, it all depends on when Macey thinks Alex is ready to go.”

  “The sooner the better,” Shirley said. “Let’s get through this and get Alex home.”

  “He’s going to be in the hospital for eight more weeks,” Brooke said. “Two more months.”

  “Eight weeks?” Shirley said, sounding more than a little surprised. She slowly took her glasses off and then pulled a piece of tissue from her pocket to rub the lenses. “My goodness, honey. Why so long?”

  “It takes time to see if the procedure was a success,” Brooke said. “The radiation is going to knock his immune system down to practically nothing. That way, Alex’s immune system doesn’t reject Ian’s bone marrow. And then it takes time for it to be able to reproduce on its own—I think Macey called it engraftment or something like that.”

  “He’s going to be all right,” Shirley said, standing up. She put her glasses back on and leaned toward Brooke. “I need to get up there and see Alex myself. It’s been a couple of days and I miss him. I can tell Charlie wants to get back up there too.”

  “You should probably go tonight, then,” Brooke said. “And bring Charlie if you want, because Macey says she may only want us in there one at a time after they do the transplant.”

  “Why is that?”

  “She said that when they knock his immune system down that far, he will have very little defense against even the most common things. She also said that they want to keep him in the most sterile environment possible. He can’t even have gifts like plants, fruit, flowers—nothing like that. They don’t want him in contact with anything, and it sounds like that may even include some of us.”

  “That poor little thing,” Shirley said. “God love him.”

  Brooke suddenly wanted more than ever to get back to the hospital, pick Alex up, and hold him. “I guess when we’re in the room with him, we are going to be wearing masks, gloves, the whole nine yards.”

  “Well, if that is what has to be done to get him well, so be it,” Shirley said, holding out her hand. “C’mon, let’s go to the house. You need to get some rest.”

  Brooke took Shirley’s hand and stood. “It’s going to be tough on him, Shirley, and I feel so helpless.”

  “He is going to get through this,” Shirley said. She pulled Brooke into her arms.

  “It’s so much on his little body.” Brooke sighed, pulling away. “Macey said on top of him being vulnerable to infections and viruses, he may also bleed a lot. And then he is going to be taking all kinds of medications, getting blood transfusions—it’s just . . .” She paused, wondering for the umpteenth time why it was happening to Alex, why it was happening to her, and why it was happening to them. She closed her eyes and slowly exhaled a lungful of stress-tainted air. She gave Shirley an exhausted look and then continued to convince herself, He is going to be okay. He is going to be okay. He is going to be okay . . .

  Shirley held one of the fellowship hall doors open and pointed into the sanctuary. “I’m telling you he will pull through this. We will all get through this. All of these things that they are doing now—this is how Alex gets better.”

  “I know, I know,” Brooke said. “It just seems so unfair, Shirley. And I’m sick of saying that, and I’m sick of thinking that.”

  “Come here,” Shirley said, stopping and putting her arm around Brooke as they reached the last pew. “This will pass, honey. I just know our little Alex will be made well.”

  “Eight weeks,” Brooke said, laying her head on Shirley’s shoulder and wiping at her eyes with the pad of her thumb. “He missed Thanksgiving, and over the next eight weeks, he’s going to spend his sixth birthday and then Christmas in the hospital. It’s not fair.”

  “Let’s sit down again for a second,” Shirley said, motioning Brooke to the pew seat.

  “If I sit down again, Shirley, I’ll fall asleep,” Brooke said. She brought her hands up to her cheeks. “I don’t want to lose him. I can’t lose him. I’m not going to lose him.”

  “No, you are not,” Shirley said, putting a hand on each of Brooke’s shoulders. “Honey, look at me.”

  Brooke did.

  “Brooke, I know the feeling of being a mother and being totally helpless. I know what it is to hear that voice inside you, telling you to help, telling you to do something, but you can’t.”

  She was talking about Charlie. When he was a baby. “I still can’t imagine Charlie ever being small,” Brooke said.

  “And then you start to ask yourself why? Why is this happening to him? Why is this happening to me? And you want to believe . . . and more often than not, you do believe. I think it’s important to know that if we didn’t experience pain and hardship, we would never know the full measure of triumphs and joys.”

  “I don’t know, Shirley,” Brooke said, giving her a small smile. “I might settle for a half measure of joy and trium
ph if I could bring my boy home tomorrow.”

  Shirley returned her smile. “I know, honey. I know all about it. But trust me, down the line, you’ll be glad you held out for the full measure.”

  “I’m trying to believe,” Brooke said as they walked toward the church entrance. “I don’t know how many times I’ve told myself, ‘Only believe,’ since we found out Alex was sick—since Kenneth said that to Pastor Jim.”

  “Yes,” Shirley said. “I know it’s tough not to worry, but trust that God will see it through. Now let’s go get you something to eat. A little food, a little nap, a little shower, and you’ll feel like yourself again.”

  “Thank you, Shirley,” Brooke said, taking her arm as they walked down the hill. “I really don’t know where I’d be without you guys.”

  “We don’t know where we’d be without you guys either,” Shirley said. “So let’s get through this and bring Alexander home.”

  FORTY

  Macey hooked her index finger under the Hickman catheter, and Alex’s eyes followed her every move as his father’s bone marrow flowed through the thin tube into his fragile body. Alex kept very still and looked very small in his bed, temporarily located in the Bone Marrow Transplant unit.

  “How you feeling, Alex?” she asked through her mask.

  “Okay,” he said faintly.

  “Remember what I told you?”

  “I think so.”

  “If you start to feel funny, I want you to tell me.” She drew a circle in the air a few inches above his chest. “Especially in here, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Good job,” she said. “I’m going to bring your mom and dad in.”

  “Okay,” he said again.

  Macey went beyond the curtain to the far side of the room and went through a small door to where Ian and Brooke sat anxiously waiting. She pulled down her mask and removed her gloves. “He is going to be hooked up for a while. Are you guys ready?”

  “I think so. Is everything going okay?” Brooke asked.

  “As well as can be expected,” she answered, nodding at Ian. “How’s your hip feeling?”